Bargain hunter pepper sprays other shoppers: L.A. Times

If shopping’s a chore in which you can bask

The best day of the year you don’t need to ask

Black Friday is tops

For cruising the shops

As long as you wear a sturdy gas mask

Girl Defeats Boys to Win Girls Swim Title: NY Times

In Massachusetts where liberals throng

They passed a law to right a wrong

So it’s no big deal

Though a tad surreal

Its female athletes can have a shlong

Gingrich surging in new polls: USA Today

The Perry act was easily skewered

And Cain was so clearly untutored 

But Gingrich’s rise

Makes Mitt now surmise

This time he might really get Newtered

Cain says God persuaded him to run for president: USA Today

Lord said to Cain when he knelt to pray

I want you to run for presidente

If this truly is so

I just want to know

Why does God hate the U.S. of A?

Oregon man prepares to pilot lawn chair over Baghdad: L.A. Times

Ken Couch is a man filled with élan

Who floats lawn chairs then simply holds on

He’ll soar over Baghdad

While praying like mad

The winds don’t blow him into Iran